Infinity Ward Announces Call of Duty: Dogs

- Batman & Robin screenwriter hired

Today, Call of Duty developer Infinity Ward announced a shocking new development for the franchise: Call of Duty: Dogs, a game focused entirely on the dog mechanic introduced in the upcoming Call of Duty: Ghosts.

Infinity Ward’s Executive Producer Mark Rubin stated in an interview: “Just like how Assassin’s Creed 3‘s boating mechanic hinted at the larger role it would take in Black Flag, the dog mechanic in Call of Duty: Ghosts hints at the future of our own franchise. When we were making Ghosts, we realized that we loved the dogs so much we wanted to make the player’s entire team into dogs in the next game. It hasn’t even been that big of a challenge for the writers, seeing how most of our characters have already reached the emotional complexity of dogs,” he said.

The bold new screenshots showcase a world populated entirely by dogs–some of them standing on hind legs and wielding firearms, others with sniper rifles strapped to their backs. A multitude of different dog breeds appear to be on your team, from a dobermann to a great dane or even a fiesty pomeranian. “The pom’s everyone’s favorite,” said Rubin. “It’s really humiliating to get killed by a pomeranian in multiplayer, especially since their yapping taunts are so annoying. We’re confident that high-pitched yapping will be the new teabagging.” The game appears to also tie in with Black Ops 2‘s futuristic setting, with a possible Island of Dr. Moreau concept.

With nary a human to be found, it begs the question: what happened? Did all the humans die? Did they become the dogs the player now commands? Infinity Ward is keeping the answers to these questions tight under wraps. Interestingly, they’ve hired screenwriter Akiva Goldsman to pen the game’s script. “Goldsman has written some of my favorite films, including Batman & Robin and I, Robot,” said Rubin. “Of course, he also wrote a Beautiful Mind, but we think he’s finally back to writing fun scripts again.”

“I’ve always wanted to write a talking dog movie,” said Goldsman. “There’s so many opportunities for puns. Like, ‘Yo dawg, quit tailin’ me.’ ‘Cus they have tails, get it? I haven’t had this much fun since working on Mr. Freeze’s dialogue.”

The canines in Call of Duty: Dogs are rumored to be composed of more polygons than any other virtual dogs, Meanwhile, real-life dogs are still made out of fur.

The canines in Call of Duty: Dogs are rumored to be composed of more polygons than any other virtual dogs. Meanwhile, real-life dogs are still made out of fur.

 

Goldsman was able to reveal another interesting fact: “At first I wanted to make the villains be terrorist cats,” he said. “But then I realized that was way too on the nose. But then I thought: what if they were turtles? I like turtles. And when I thought of an Arab turtle, wearing a turban, I realized it was the most brilliant idea I’d ever had. It all came from there. So I went to Infinity Ward and was like: ‘Let’s have the villains be terrorist turtles in turbans. They have this evil scheme to put all the dogs of the free world into one giant pound. The minibosses can be like Muslim versions of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and one of them has eight arms like the Muslim god Vishnu.’ Naturally, they thought it was a brilliant idea.”

“Don’t worry, though, we’re not being too racist. See, some of the Arab turtles are also Russian. The main villain is actually half-Russian, half-Arab, so you just know he hates the free world. Players are going to want to nuke him so bad they won’t give a shit about the collateral damage the civilians of his city would go through. Not that they ever do!” he added with a laugh.

Rubin is confident that Goldsman is up to the task of bringing Call of Duty’s furry new cast to life. “Some of the team was a bit hesitant to dive into a concept this esoteric,” he said. “The world of Call of Duty has always emphasized gritty realism, after all. But honestly, after making practically the same game over and over again every year, we were all ready for something new. I think, once they get used to the idea, players will embrace this exciting new face of the franchise. We’ve come a long way since WW2!”

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